Just Dreaming Along

hot hot hot

2003-07-20T23:56:00.000-07:00

Boy am I glad I spent the day in Newport today. We got back about 9:30 to Eugene and the temperature was still almost 90 degrees! This is not the kind of weather that I enjoy- it's about 30 degrees too warm for me, and it doesn't help that I'm still fighting this cough.

I'm going to have to get up early to water the garden, those plants are probably really thirsty after such a hot day. I should probably get some of the medicinals harvested tomorrow as well.

late nights, early morns

2003-07-19T23:28:00.000-07:00

I've been sick for the past week, most likely a result of having too much fun on nights I couldn't sleep in the next day. It's tough, not being at 100% when there's nothing really to do... I wish I had the drive to get out and really DO something, but being bummed all week pretty much got in the way of that as well. Tomorrow will take care of some of that, though.

I'm back for a while anyways

2003-07-19T22:31:00.000-07:00

My life has been eventful, yet I'm not sure where exactly things are going. I wish I knew, and maybe posting here more will help.

Figuring out what I really want in a relationship... who do I want to spend my quality time with? Is there someone out there who is my soul-mate who is AVAILABLE, and willing to spend time with me? Who will love me for who I am, love themselves, and be willing to discover new things about me and them?

Why do I so often see and become attracted to those who are not available to me? My life seems to be filled with the frustrations that I meet someone who I really connect with, yet they, for one reason or another, don't have the time, space, desire to spend time with me. Either that, or it's the reverse and I don't feel the spark with them. Sigh. I guess I need to believe more that there IS someone out there for me.

2003-05-09T14:17:00.000-07:00

Time seems to be going. I've been focusing on my life and where I'm going, and I've decided that spending time here is not serving my highest interest. I'm not sure what this site will look like in the future, and I see possibilities for some sort of site for me, but a blog may not be my future.

2003-04-14T01:08:00.000-07:00

It's been a slow couple of days... kinda at a loss as to what all to do now, though I haven't started on my two papers due soon... The weather's been great- sunny days just about every day so far and I've been hiking quite a bit. I'm staying with friends from my home church who have an extra bedroom... and broadband internet! Needless to say I'm spending too much time inside on the computer instead of outside enjoying the good weather.

2003-04-09T19:07:00.000-07:00

Bo (the dog) and I are getting along well. We went hiking yesterday and walking along the beach today despite the muggy weather. I seem to be spending quite a bit of time by myself, but I think that's okay since I'm here for me and not necessarily for anyone else.

We're supposed to get snow possibly this evening and that would be cool- we had some on saturday but it didn't really stick.

2003-04-07T19:07:00.000-07:00

I'm in Juneau! I arrived safely friday night and have been adjusting to the longer days (yes, even now sunrise is about 5:30am and sunset is 8pm). I've seen a couple of friends, started getting behind in my online writing courses, went ice skating, and have started taking naps in the afternoon. I'm housesitting for the week and Bo (the dog) and I will be doing a bunch of hiking, no matter the weather. The folk festival starts tonight and I'm excited to get down there and listen to some good music!

2003-04-02T11:39:00.000-08:00

Sleeping in for me has become 9am. Two more days till I leave for AK!!!! I worked in the garden for a couple of hours this morning to feel less guilty about leaving at the time when a lot needs to be done. I turned part of a bed (more blisters for me!) and weeded another and discovered some lettuces that I didn't know were there!

I've got a busy day, connecting with several people before I leave and getting a session in with the Shaman. I've also got to buy some potting soil, make a list of seeds I want, collect the phone bill, return DVD's I've borrowed and get new ones, and try to get some reading for my classes in as well. Both writing classes are looking like they'll be challenging but not too difficult- this whole posting comments thing on the web is fun for me because I'm online so much anyways, it's like I'm SUPPOSED to be on line now!

2003-04-01T11:02:00.000-08:00

I feel so little pressure right now concerning school. I feel confident, ready to finish and get on with my life (however that looks). I'm at school doing my work study in the music lab- basically being available for anyone who needs tutoring or help with their computer in the electronic music lab. I've got soccer at 11:30 then another orientation at 5. I plan on getting some reading done and maybe transpose some music for orchestra on finale here in the lab.

I'm excited to be taking this soccer class because every time I've walked by these last two years, I've been jealous that they get to be outside during this great weather and I'm stuck inside in classes. Now I can do my writing class stuff outside, too, and the only time I HAVE to be inside is when I'm working in the music lab.

I'm leaving friday for Juneau and I've still got a lot of stuff to do, but I think I have the time to get it all done.. I'm keeping a list of important things so I don't forget. I've got places to stay set up thru the 12th, and I think I have a place for the rest of the time as well.

2003-03-31T10:39:00.000-08:00

I was up at 6:30 this morning, ready for the day! It's raining, so I don't think I'll be doing any weeding, but I have continued to clean and organize.

2003-03-30T20:16:00.000-08:00

I've done more physical work the last four days than I've done in a long time. Thursday I turned over a 8x12 foot garden for some work trade (3.5hrs) friday morning I worked the load-in for Fosse (5 hrs) drove to mom's, drove back saturday evening in time to work the out for the show (4hrs) and didn't get to bed until 3am this morning. At 9am my roomates started their morning routines (breakfast, coffee, coming and going right below my room) and I didn't get much more sleep until the hour nap this afternoon. I've been cleaning all day- mostly the kitchen- reorganizing and straightening stuff that was annoying me for too long. It feels sometimes like I'm the only one who cares about how the house looks. and does something about it.

First orchestra rehersal tomorrow evening and I haven't touched my clarinet all week. I'm not too worried, though, since I'll have lots of time to practice when I get to alaska.

2003-03-26T22:19:00.000-08:00

I've been avoiding most if not all war news this week... it's just too much for me, though I have been going to several of the protests and just sitting peacefully. Anger is not the place to go, and love will prevail.

2003-03-26T22:03:00.000-08:00

It's been an interesting week. I finished finals week fairly unscathed (got a 71 on my theory final- teacher said I had "imaginative" answers) I'm still fighting the virus that's going around town... still, or again, I'm not sure if this is it _again_ or if it had some dormancy and is showing it's head again now that I have a week off from school.

The kiddo who lives in my house has discovered that it's fun to come up and play with me in my room... I don't mind much and I like his energy (he's almost 3) He's a good listener when it comes to things that are off limits as well.

I go to alaska in a little over a week!

2003-03-17T22:14:00.000-08:00

I don't have that many things that mean a lot to me, but having people come and listen to me play music is one of them. I had my last concert of the term last week and several of my friends had told me they would be there. The night of the show, however, the only people who I knew in the audience were my mom and brother who had driven down from portland specifically to hear me play. I was really let down, because it's one of the things that I do well, and that I've been devoting my life to right now, and no one deemed that evening important enough to come and hear me play. I don't know... maybe I didn't make it clear enough how important it is to me that I know people in the audience. Even when I have sports games, I like to know there are people watching me and cheering me on. Maybe this is a lesson for me somehow.

2003-03-10T22:51:00.000-08:00

I've been busy with the end of school... I'm not really sure how much more I'll be posting here... my life seems to be moving on. I'm at a transitional time in much of my life (fortunately not my living situation) and posting here is just not high on the priority list.

2003-03-03T22:45:00.000-08:00

Baths. I love taking baths. Quiet, alone time in a steaming tub, window open to the fresh air and sometimes sound of rain on the roof. That's the life.

2003-03-03T08:51:00.000-08:00

my first concert is today at noon. Then tomorrow at 7:30. I think I'm ready, but I don't want to go to theory this morning... so I think I'll skip it. ;)

I could sleep another couple of hours. We had a community meeting last night that fortunately I didn't have any direct involvement in the main issue discussed, but I went, and it was heated at times. Ah, the life of a community.

2003-03-01T23:28:00.000-08:00

lesson tomorrow and I've done barely any practicing. Oh well. Maybe I'll cram tomorrow (ha!). Two more weeks left in the term and then I'll be an online school person! All my classes sans orchestra are online next term, and I'm excited to see how I do without having to be anywhere during the day. But I will have to go in for my work study job. BUT, I get to take two weeks off and go to ALASKA!!! (nah, I'm not excited lol)

2003-02-27T09:47:00.000-08:00

I did it again- tuesday night I slept a good 13 hours! I don't know what's going on here. But last night I was up until 2am reading the new Mercades Lackey book. Not much has been happing in my life this week- I went to get help with my taxes yesterday and found out I'm getting more in a refund than I thought! Also, I've decided to go for my AA degree and hopefully get it by the end of spring term.

I made my reservations for Alaska this weekend! I'll be staying in Juneau a little over two weeks in April. Now I just need to FILE my taxes soon so I can get my refund in time for the trip.

2003-02-21T23:01:00.000-08:00

I went to sleep at 8:00 last night and slept a good 13 hrs. I felt like going to bed at 7:30, but got stuck watching hercules and then buffy. Now I'm waiting to take a shower and then sleep, probably for 12 or 13 hrs. I'm wondering if I've got something besides this virus that's been going around town. I don't think I should be this tired after doing practically nothing all day. I've never had mono, so I'm not really sure what it's like, but if I'm this tired next week I'll make another trip to student health and see.

2003-02-20T07:50:00.000-08:00

been sick the last 5 days- I think I got the throat thingy flu thingy that's going around. Busy with school and planning for next term. More on that later.

Important: (for more info, just do a google search on Dr. W. David Hager)

(sent via email)

Subject: Protect Women's Health
Even if you don't care about women's health, consider what this guy -- and others of like mind -- could do to the state of general health practices in the U.S. President Bush has announced his plan to select Dr. W. David Hager to head up the Food and Drug administration's (FDA) Reproductive Health Drugs Advisory Committee. The committee has not met for more than two years, during which time its charter has lapsed. As a result, the Bush Administration is tasked with filling all eleven positions with new members.

This position does not require Congressional approval. The FDA's Reproductive Health Drugs Advisory Committee makes crucial decisions on matters relating to drugs used in the practice of obstetrics, gynecology and related specialties, including hormone therapy, contraception, treatment for infertility, and medical alternatives to surgical procedures for sterilization and pregnancy termination.

Dr. Hager's views of reproductive health care are far outside the mainstream and are a setback for reproductive technology. Dr. Hager is a practicing OB/GYN who describes himself as "pro-life" and refuses to prescribe contraceptives to unmarried women. Hager is the author of "As Jesus Cared for Women: Restoring Women Then and Now." The book blends biblical accounts of Christ healing women with case studies from Hager's practice. In the book Dr. Hager wrote with his wife, entitled "Stress and the Woman's Body," he suggests that women who suffer from premenstrual syndrome should seek help from reading the bible and praying. As an editor and contributing author of "The Reproduction Revolution: A Christian Appraisal of Sexuality, Reproductive Technologies and the Family," Dr. Hager appears to have endorsed the medically inaccurate assertion that the common birth control pill is an abortifacient.

Hager's Mission is religiously motivated. He has an ardent interest in revoking approval for mifepristone (formerly known as RU-486) as a safe and early form of medical abortion. Hager recently assisted the Christian Medical Association in a citizen's petition "which calls upon the FDA to revoke its approval of mifepristone in the name of women's health." Hager's desire to overturn mifepristone's approval on religious grounds rather than scientific merit would halt the development of mifepristone as a treatment for numerous medical conditions disproportionately affecting women, including breast cancer, uterine cancer, uterine fibroid tumors, psychotic depression, bipolar depression and Cushing's syndrome.

Women rely on the FDA to ensure their access to safe and effective drugs for reproductive health care including products that prevent pregnancy. For some women, such as those with certain types of diabetes and those undergoing treatment for cancer, pregnancy can be a life-threatening condition.

We are concerned that Dr. Hager's strong religious beliefs may color his assessment of technologies that are necessary to protect women's lives or to preserve and promote women's health. Hager's track record of using religious beliefs to guide his medical decision-making makes him a dangerous and inappropriate candidate to serve as chair of this committee. Critical drug public policy and research must not be held hostage by antiabortion politics.

Members of this important panel should be appointed on the basis of science and medicine, rather than politics and religion. American women deserve no less.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

1. SEND THIS TO EVERY PERSON WHO IS CONCERNED ABOUT WOMEN'S RIGHTS.

2. OPPOSE THE PLACEMENT OF THIS MAN BY CONTACTING THE WHITE HOUSE AND TELL THEM HE IS TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE ON ANY LEVEL.

Please email President Bush at president@whitehouse.gov or call the White House at (202) 456-1111 or (202) 456-1414 and say, "I oppose the appointment of Dr. Hager to the FDA Reproductive Health Drugs Advisory Committee.

2003-02-13T23:08:00.000-08:00

so i started eating last night.... didn't do it the way you're supposed to with just fruit or soup (though I started with soup)... I had cheese and rye crackers, then ice cream later. I'm feeling well, though, so it appears that I'm doing okay.

A friend stopped by this evening for a really nice cuddle. I just wish I had a special someone. *sigh*

2003-02-09T16:06:00.000-08:00

Fast, day 3.
Feeling good- chopped wood yesterday, had a clarinet lesson that went well. I am feeling less connected to going online (hence the sporadic post).

The weather's been beautiful the past few days around here. I sat in our sun room today and read with the door open- the comforts of a couch and the fresh air of the outdoors- what a combination!

2003-02-06T14:41:00.000-08:00

Gonna see The Pianist tonight with a friend. I wanted to go on tuesday, but couldn't find anyone to go with me so I went to Flicks & Pics and got some movies there instead (love dollar night). I'm going for my lemons and maple syrup today, too, to start the fast tomorrow. I'll HAVE to practice sometime tonight as well.

2003-02-05T20:54:00.000-08:00

I'm going to do the Master Cleanser program again starting on friday. I'll get my lemons, maple syrup and cyanne pepper tomorrow after school. I did it last year at the end of winter break, and have been feeling that I need a similar thing this year. It'll be interesting to be more aware of my dreams while I'm fasting. I hear they should get pretty intense.

Big thoughts happening in my life around school- I know I've got to make it through this term or else owe the school and the government a bunch of money that I don't have. But next term, one thought I'm having, is to go full time but not take more than maybe one music class and finish everything else I need for my AA degree. But again, why not just quit altogether and really take care of myself- maybe travel, maybe (or definately) find work and hang out, maybe something else I haven't thought of yet. It's a big decision, but, like one friend pointed out today, I'm burned out. I just don't want to screw myself for my future by stopping school now.

2003-02-03T22:26:00.000-08:00

It's been a busy/not busy weekend- I succeded in going another weekend without practicing at all, had a party sat. night that I had some good cuddles till midnight and danced/played music at until at least 3, did nothing on sunday, and have been feeling pretty blah all week.

I'm feeling less and less enthustic about school and music major stuff. I'm realizing that I'm not practicing enough to be a "serious" music student, and am having doubts if i really want to spend this much time of my life doing this stuff. *sigh*

2003-02-02T14:08:00.000-08:00

Satire of the day
"He's not the kind of girl who gives up just like that!

Known throughout India as the Leader with the Heart of Glass, Mahatma Blondie led his people through the largest non-violent revolution in the history of the world. But while the revolution itself was accomplished with minimal bloodshed, the stories that inspired the hordes were really quite macabre.

The gender-bending hero's visionary Rapture captured the imagination of India's Hindus, with tales of Shiva (thinly veiled as the 'man from mars') on a destructive rampage eating everything in sight. Mahatma Blondie's gruesome fable describes in detail how the man from mars "shoots you dead and he eats your head," and then goes on to eat cars, bars, and guitars all over India. This tale captivated the Indian masses, put the fear of Shiva in the Brits, and introduced the entire world to the revolutionary power of modern Rap."

2003-01-31T17:02:00.000-08:00

I got this in an email yesterday... let's all do it!

Dear Friends:
There is a grassroots campaign underway to protest war in Iraq in a simple, but potentially powerful way.

Place 1/2 cup uncooked rice in a small plastic bag (a snack-size bag or sandwich bag work fine). Squeeze out excess air and seal the bag. Wrap it in a piece of paper on which you have written, "If you want to act as my protector, the best thing you can do is NOT do things that will make people hate America. It is that hatred which is the threat to national security! Send food, not bombs! NO WAR!"
. Please send this rice to the people of Iraq; do not attack them."

Place the paper and bag of rice in an envelope (either a letter-sized or padded mailing envelope--both are the same cost to mail) and address them to:
President George Bush
White House, 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. NW
Washington, DC 20500

Attach $1.06 in postage. (Three 37-cent stamps equal $1.11.)
Drop this in the mail TODAY. It is important to act NOW so that President Bush gets the letters ASAP, especially since the report from the inspectors came out on the 27th.

2003-01-30T21:03:00.000-08:00

Okay, I'm courious... who exactly are you who read this weblog? I know there are four of you who read pretty much daily, and I'm pretty sure about two, but I'm not sure about the others, so, if you please, comment here, or send me an email so I can properly thank you for sticking around and wanting to know what goes on in my boring (or not-so-boring sometimes) life. Thanks!

2003-01-30T14:03:00.000-08:00

I've been killing time the last hour looking at movie previews... picked a few I want to see that I haven't seen yet.

tears of the sun
daredevil
maid in manhattan
city of god
the guru

2003-01-29T19:16:00.000-08:00

Type Two
The Helper
The caring, interpersonal type. Twos are empathetic, sincere, and warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering, and people-pleasing. They are well-meaning and driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed. They typically have problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs. At their Best: unselfish and altruistic, they have unconditional love for others.

free enneagram test

2003-01-29T19:02:00.000-08:00

Random Thoughts: Do all books have some sort of conflict in them that makes them sell/enjoyable? Is there always a protaganist and antaganist? I've been inhaling books lately, and was contemplating by the fire this evening about what books are about. Stories must go somewhere, I guess, or we wouldn't enjoy them. Dunno.

2003-01-29T15:37:00.000-08:00

Tough day today... skipped school, went to a friend's and got some TLC, then went to another friend's and they weren't home (but I dropped off the DVD I'd borrowed). Now I'm at home and know that I need to eat but not feeling motivated to do much else. *sigh* A nap may be good, though, since I only got about 3 hrs of sleep last night. Woke up at 6:20am and laid in bed for an hour, then finally got up, ate some eggs, showered, and went back to bed.

2003-01-28T21:18:00.000-08:00

heh heh heh Ninjas in football ... I like! I like!

2003-01-28T21:13:00.000-08:00

So last night at orchestra I experienced tingling in my fingers and a numbness that locked up my hand for a few seconds several times. This morning I discovered that anytime I put good weight on my foot, I get a pain that has no reason to be there. I'm wondering if I've tweaked my back somehow. I called my doc and made an appt. for friday to see if I can get a referral to a chiropractor, if not, I'll pay out of pocket to the guy that my band director reccomended. I may go to him anyways.

I took a three hour nap this afternoon (just woke up) and I'm feeling kinda crappy right now. Probably because I haven't eaten since lunch, but it's still a bummer. Maybe I should go and eat something.

Sounds like I might have the house to myself this evening. It's quiet downstairs. Then again, people could just be in their cabins, and being quiet.

2003-01-27T15:33:00.000-08:00

I decided to come home before orchestra rehersal today and relax- I may still go for a hike up my hill, but right now I'm all for practice, so that's what I'm going to do. I did absolutely nothing this weekend except go to town on saturday morning and watch some kid friends take their Tae Kwon Do test- 4 took the green belt test and 1 took the yellow belt test. T- the yellow belter (9 yrs old) is a really determined, confident girl and she's got a lot of spirit for it. I think I'll really have fun watching her progress.

2003-01-24T13:29:00.000-08:00

I did some good practicing yesterday, and felt good about how band went today.

We've been having warm weather lately and the last two nights I've slept with the heat off in my room. Last night I opened the window and listened to the rain all night- it sounded like there were some deer outside as well, but I only saw them in my dreams (rather, I saw people walking around outside in my dream). I've not been sleeping soundly the last few nights- I'll wake up a couple of times during the night after a dream, then roll over and go back to sleep. I have been having some interesting dreams, though.

2003-01-23T11:54:00.000-08:00

I've started practicing some remote viewing through shamanic space. It's fun, and I think I may actually be kinda good at it. I'm still a beginner, though, and at the 'teach myself' stage.

2003-01-23T11:46:00.000-08:00

My grandmother has been in her new home for a week now, and wrote this poem that my mom shared with me:

Transition
One week into a new life…
no, not a life, but an ending.

Life was youth and vitality.
Life was work and play.
Life was family and friends.

Life was…

But its sparks and fire
became the ashes of age,
warm with a few embers burning low.

My embers are in a new place
where other embers are smoldering.

Smoldering until that last faint spark
is darkened forever!

Father in heaven
let that "forever" lead up a golden stair
to end near thy throne!

Muriel Markham Jan. 22, 2003

2003-01-20T21:38:00.000-08:00

The leader of the band I've been playing with for the last term asked me (politely) to leave. He said it was because he felt the band and I were not going in similar directions. I'm not so sure about that, but me, being the nice person I am, thanked him for being so honest and said it was fun. I learned a lot playing with them, and I guess it's time now for something else. I really wasn't in the mood to fight it.

2003-01-20T21:34:00.000-08:00

Slow weekend... did numbers 2 and 3 on my list.

2003-01-18T18:32:00.000-08:00

Things to do this weekend:
1. Go to full moon/house warming party tonight
2. Practice my clarinet (more than once).
3. Clean room
4. Figure out finances for next two weeks until I get my financial aid

2003-01-17T15:27:00.000-08:00

I've been super busy lately- social obligations have kept me away until at least 10 pm most nights this week, except wed. when our house cleaned the attic and made another community room. It's really cool, and I think I'll use it because it's a place to get away from the bustle of the people in the rest of the house. We've still got two rooms open, and I hope they'll get filled soon so the dynamic of the house can be fully realized.

Three day weekend ahead... not really sure what I'm going to do... a friend from Seattle is in town for the weekend and I'd like to get together with her if possible. Other than that, I know I need to get down to some serious practicing so that I can feel good about my lesson next wednesday.

2003-01-15T17:48:00.000-08:00

Sign this!!!

2003-01-15T17:45:00.000-08:00

I'm using Opera now, because for some strange reason Safari is unexpedly quiitting on me whenever I try to start it up. Though, I'm getting some strange windows rendering right now in blogger... maybe I'll jjust stick with IE for a while more.

2003-01-15T00:34:00.000-08:00

What am I doing messing around here when I should be going to bed??? Dunno. I actually just practiced for half an hour (pat self on back), now to just keep my motivation and practice in the morning before classes... lesson tomorrow and I've been not very good about my practice hours this week. Hasn't exactly been the easiest week, though.

2003-01-14T13:43:00.000-08:00

Wow. I just ran across the website for a guy I went to high school with, Rory Stitt, who, it looks like, is doing really well with his music. He's even performing in Portland next month! Maybe I'll try and get up there and hear him, give him a little surprise. I'm bummed now that I missed him in Rocky Horror at Perseverance Theatre in Juneau.

2003-01-13T22:47:00.000-08:00

Found the song.
--------------------------------------------
One More Day by Diamond Rio.
Written by Steven Dale Jones and Bobby Tomberlin.

Last night I had a crazy dream.
A wish was granted just for me, it could be for anything.
I didn't ask for money, or a mansion in Malibu.
I simply wished, for one more day with you.

One more day, one more time.
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied.
But then again, I know what it would do.
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you.
One more day.

First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl.
I'd unplug the telephone, keep the TV off.
I'd hold you every second, say a million I love you's;
That's what I'd do, with one more day with you.

One more day, one more time.
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied.
But then again, I know what it would do.
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you.

One more day, one more time.
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied.
But then again, I know what it would do.
Leave me wishing still, for one more day.....

Leave me wishing still, for one more day.....
Leave me wishing still, for one more day.....
With you.

One more day. (One more day.)
-----------------------------------------------

2003-01-13T22:33:00.000-08:00

Today was a long, rainy day. I just got home from a 2 1/2 hour orchestra rehersal, where I was reading an "A clarinet" part with my B clarinet- meaning that I had to transpose a half step down in my head the whole evening. And it was sight-reading (we just got the music tonight). My brain hurts now.

I drove my car to school with my bike on my new bike rack (thanks to a garage sale, it only cost $4) and after class and an hour and a half in the music lab, I bussed to town, biked to the Y, and worked out and saunaed for a while. Then bussed back to school and ate, practiced, then rehersal. Mondays are my long days, but then this term I don't have my lesson on mondays which makes it a little easier.

I was randomly listening to a local country music station this morning and heard this perfect song for how I'm feeling but I don't know who it's by or even the title- something like "one more day" or something like that. The singer talks about how he would like to spend just one more day with his girl and what he would say and do with her. I cried when I heard it.

2003-01-12T22:36:00.000-08:00

I'm doing better today- we had a community work party to clean out the workshop on the property. Cleaned out a bunch of junk, recycled a bunch, and will be calling BRING Recycling to come pick up a heck of a lot of wood and other building materials once we get an okay from the owner of the land. We had awesome omletts for breakfast, with so much onion that we all were crying even just being in the kitchen!

Then I had rehersal for my world music group, a short one, but we went through our three pieces and started a new one. We're hoping someday to be able to have gigs and get paid to do this stuff. At least I think that would be cool.

I've been bad about practicing this weekend, but I have an excuse, and I'll be prepared to face my teacher's wrath when wed. rolls around and I have my lesson.

2003-01-12T22:30:00.000-08:00

My grandmother spent her first night in the assisted living home last night. From what my mom tells me, she's loving every minute so far. Noni (from what I hear) actually giggled when she found out that they would be checking on her every two hours during her first couple of nights there. I know she's happiest that she won't have to cook for herself anymore. At almost 92 years old, I think she deserves to have her meals cooked for her! This move was a surprise to all of the family- Noni spent a couple of nights in the hospital two weeks ago because of her angina, and really liked how she was cared for at the Adventist Hospital. I guess she was talking about it consistantly and getting brochures and such, and now she's right next door to the hospital in the care facility. I'm happy she's happy. I hope she's got many more happy years ahead of her, though.

Noni is on her second pacemaker (I think she got this one three yrs ago) and has lost both breasts to cancer (one in her 40's, the other two yrs ago) but still writes poetry, kicks my ass in Scrabble, does crosswords, puzzles, inhales books and is always researching or learning about something. In the last couple of years she's taken classes for writing childrens books and other stuff, she's learned how to do email, got a laptop computer, and has reconnected with some grandchildren. She has great-great grandchildren that she's met, and is just an amazing woman.

2003-01-12T01:44:00.000-08:00

didn't find any templates I liked enough to mess around too much, so I've reverted. Maybe I'll get creative some day and do my own... for now this will work I guess.

2003-01-12T00:28:00.000-08:00

I'm in the process of redesign right now... not sure what I want the site to look like, but I'm playing around.

2003-01-09T23:45:00.000-08:00

There must be some lesson here for me to learn that I haven't gotten into my head yet. It seems that friends are being pulled away from me by forces that aren't in my control. No, that's not really true. I'm doing things that are making these friends unavailable to me, yet it's tough, to lose a good friend because of something we'd agreed not to do, then did anyways. Grrrr... I'm so pissed at myself and at him, I don't want to lose him as a friend, yet I know I need to be honest and keep with my integrity that I compromised earlier. I just hate that I'm going to lose, either way. We're both going to lose. *sigh*

2003-01-09T22:57:00.000-08:00

My life is filled with lots of drama right now, and I am partly responsible, it's tough, and I'm not sure how it's going to turn out. I'm still alive and that's good.

2003-01-07T13:30:00.000-08:00

I'm playing around on a friend's broadband connection. I downloaded the new Apple browser, Safari. It seems to be quite a bit faster, but I'll wait to see how it does with my turtle connection at home before I pass judgement.

2003-01-06T22:16:00.000-08:00

School went well today. First day and all, but we actually ran through some pieces in band (we don't usually play on the first day of class) and did pretty good. Then I went and worked out at the Y for a while- I need to get myself back in shape- my asthma is acting up more and I know part of the reason is that I'm not biking nearly as much as I used to. Now that I have a rack for my car, though, it's not going to be the process it has been of getting it into the car. Had a good orchestra rehersal as well this evening, but it's good to be home after being gone all day (9am-9:30pm). I'm starting to take a lunch and snack to school so that I'm not spending as much money in the overpriced cafiteria at school.

2003-01-05T21:33:00.000-08:00

I smudged the house this evening. I was hearing things in the attic, something walking up the stairs, boxes moving around, and when I went to check, there was no one there. Some of it may have been someone in the other bathroom, or the peacoks on the roof, but it's been a while since this house was cleansed anyways, so I put on my "work" clothes and did a little ritual. I feel good about it, and may do more later.

I'm sorting out this integrity thing, slowly, but soon it will be fully figured out. I hope.

2003-01-04T20:54:00.000-08:00

I finally saw the latest LOTR movie today. We had to wait an hour in the mall because the first two shows were already sold out, but that was okay.

Feeling a little trepidious this evening. Kinda sure why, but not positive.

2003-01-03T15:48:00.000-08:00

I'm at the new Eugene Library where I stood in line for almost an hour to get my new high-tech library card, and then found out I can't use the computer for more than 15 minutes until tomorrow when my account is activated. I just hope that I will be able to check out books today. I'll be really pissed if I can't since I've been going without library books for quite some time now. Well, I'm off to explore the expansiveness for a while longer.

2003-01-03T03:08:00.000-08:00

been hanging out at walkers this evening... haven't been there in a long time, not really sure if that's where I want to spend my time, but I need something right now and friends in town don't really appreciate calls at this hour unless it's a real emergency (and it's not). So I stay awake screwing up my sleep schedule even more right before school starts. Great.

2003-01-02T21:38:00.000-08:00

Intregity. It's such an innocent sounding word, yet has such power. I'm in a dilemma in which I've compromised my own integrity for the sake of someone else's happiness and am faced with the decision of how to go about picking up the pieces. Figuring, of course, that I DO want to pick them up and be honest with the parties involved, rather than living this facade. Deep ponderings this rainy evening.

2003-01-02T14:15:00.000-08:00

Spent the new year over at Lost Valley, soaking in the hot tub and hanging out with a family I'm close with. It was nice, calm, and relaxing. I sometimes wish I could live out there, but then I remember how great the place I am now is, and how nice it is to be close to town and a bus that will take me to school.

I went to LCC today to get my only new book for the term. I'm really really excited about this electronic music class, and I'm sure you'll be hearing much more about that in the future.

2002-12-31T00:03:00.000-08:00

Lord of the Rings
Personality Test
Based on your answers, you are most like

Gandalf

You were also very much like

Pippin
Aragorn

2002-12-30T23:52:00.000-08:00

So I've added some links <--- basically places I'm going regulary anyways, just keeping this site updated. One of these days I'll get around to doing something more original with it instead of this canned template, but it's working for now.

2002-12-30T23:50:00.000-08:00

SETI ...Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence is now using MY computer to analyze their data! I'm not using it all day, and if they find a signal out there that is from someone, why not use my computer to do it? I've known about this for a while, just ran across it again tonight while surfing around and saw that they had an OS X version, so thought, why not? It'll be cool to see what I'm doing, too... interesting graphics and all...

2002-12-30T16:54:00.000-08:00

I broke out my reading glasses today- been having a slight headache this past week and think maybe it's because of all the crocheting that I'm doing- keeping my fingers busy while I listen to The Two Towers on audio CD. Hope they help, else I'll need to get my eyes examined again.

Only another week of vacation and then I'll be back in the swing of school. I think I should go to campus sometime this week and see if I can miss the rush of getting books- though I think I only have one class which will require a new book. I'll be using the same book for Music Theory and my performance classes all pass out the music the first day.

2002-12-30T00:14:00.000-08:00

Just watched "A Beautiful Mind" for the first time tonight- I am glad I was with a friend who could hold my hand through parts because it came really close to home. My brother is diagnosed paranoid psychophrenic and, though doing really well right now, went through a difficult time in the not so distant past. This movie really touched on a lot of familiar scenarios for me- or rather from what I heard from my mom about what was happening to my bro. But it was still difficult at times to watch it, and know that my brother is kindof like that (not a math genius, but also sometimes not of this world). I think it's hard for me to see him in his illness because partly I fear that part of myself- that part that I know is in there that has the capacity to be that "crazy" -that has spent time in that top floor of the hospital. I have worked so hard to overcome that in myself, to be "healthy" and "sane" that when I see it in my brother I either 1. want to fix him, or 2. want to run away, but all I can do really is remember how much I love and care for him and know that he knows that, no matter how little time I spend with him or how little I call him.

2002-12-30T00:07:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting at my desk in my room and just noticed that there is a fairly nice breeze coming in through one of my windows- I thought I'd sealed them all well, but obviously I missed this one somehow, or I missed this spot. It may be why I have such a hard time keeping my room warm. It is pretty windy right now, too, so the wind might be winding in where it usually doesn't.

2002-12-29T13:15:00.000-08:00

I went to Lost Valley yesterday for a salon on Naka-Ima and an assistants party after dinner. There wasn't much of a crowd, but I knew everyone there well, and we had good cuddles and played some good games. It's great getting together with good friends and playing games that we all are enjoying and laughing and having a good time.

2002-12-28T00:20:00.000-08:00

Up late listening to the "last" night that Art Bell is hosting Coast to Coast AM... I wonder how long he will stay "retired" this time.

2002-12-27T17:34:00.000-08:00

Been wrapping and decorating last minute presents today- I know, I know, it's after the holiday, but I have a family that I'm friends with who are out of town this week, so I plan on bringing my presents by this weekend sometime. I found it more difficult to figure out what to get my "real" family for presents than this family, maybe because I spend a lot of time with them- more time than I spend with my blood relatives. But that's okay- my mom knows I love them all, and I get a lot of enjoyment in being a part of kids' lives. These are the kids whose music concerts I went to a couple of weeks ago, who I took to see Beauty and the Beast when it was in town, and to whom I am a trusted friend of the family.

2002-12-27T17:27:00.000-08:00

I'm on disk #9 of the Two Towers in this edition. I love it because it's unabridged (meaning that Rob Inglis is reading the BOOK, rather than a script written for him). I have yet to see this movie, but may get around to it this weekend. I haven't been as excited about getting to it for some reason (though I'm sure I'll love it once I'm there)

I discovered Sherlock on my computer yesterday searching for movie times- it sure beats finding the local cinema websites and searching through them. Haven't tried for the dollar theartre, though, and I'm not sure how to get to see movies that aren't on apple's list. It's worth exploring when I'm at a broadband connection.

I cleaned my room for 4 hours yesterday- rearranging and putting away new toys that I got for Christmas. My biggest two were three more bookshelves that my step-dad made for me, and a stereo that my grandmother didn't want anymore. I can have cool music in my room now!

2002-12-26T21:33:00.000-08:00

I made it through the week! I decided to start working on an afgan while at my mom's. It was a way to "be with the family" but not to particapate as much as I may have been expected to if my hands weren't busy. I haven't decided who it's going to be for yet, but with the ends of various colors I am making granny squares galore!

2002-12-24T10:14:00.000-08:00

I escaped to lost valley last night to watch a movie and soak in the hot tub with a friend. Cody did well, too, but I had to tie him up for the night because he couldn't come inside. I think he did okay- he sleeps outside at my mom's all the time.

I'm off to do more "family stuff" today- hope to be home tomorrow, but may stop at a friend's on the way home to avoid the craziness around here.

I've been feeling off these last few days- got a lot coming at me, and I guess my reactions are kicking in. I hate it, though- depression, anxiety, all that rot is stuff I'd like to just leave behind me. It's not like I've stopped doing my work... I'd just like to feel okay most of the time (and I do, I just get frustrated when I don't).

2002-12-22T21:17:00.000-08:00

There's five people staying in my house for the next few days and this evening I just got tired of all the people. I escaped to my room with my dinner while they did the family thing downstairs. The visitors are family of the new mom, and I'm happy that they can stay so close for free, but it is a kind of intrusion on my space and sanity. I think I'm going to escape a bit more tomorrow, just so I don't go completely crazy.

2002-12-21T17:18:00.000-08:00

Let your doggies run!!! Dog parks are great!!!

2002-12-20T10:47:00.000-08:00

I took Cody back on the property behind ours this morning (it was the first time I'd been back there) and it's awesome! It felt like I was the only one in the universe, there was no chance of meeting another human, and there was an easy logging trail to walk on so I wasn't bushwhacking through blackberry bushes!

Cody did a little peacok chasing on our way down to the house, but he responded to my "no" when I told him he wasn't to chase them. I think I'm going to have to be with him when he's outside, though, just to be sure.

2002-12-19T20:47:00.000-08:00

I'm back! I've got Cody (my 120lb golden retriever/lab mix) at home and am excited and courious to see how he does in a new environment for a few days. This may be a prep for him living here full time, or at least coming to visit more often. He did fine on the drive down- seemed calm and maybe even slept a little!

We have a woman in labor on the property!!! I found this out when I got home and discovered the washing machine was unplugged with a hose going out the door (they have a tub for the birth and their hot-water heater is too small to fill it, so they're using ours). Maybe by tomorrow morning there will be another little soul living out here!

2002-12-18T17:13:00.001-08:00

I think I'm going to go home tomorrow... getting tired of the family and anxious to see my dog for a couple of days.

2002-12-18T17:13:00.000-08:00

(written monday)
I'm at the coast with my family for the week and hoping that I can post this soon (I'm going to have to do some hunting for an internet connection to hook into for cheap). I drove up by myself with my bike and two boxes of food (I don't plan on buying anything here) and was the first person to arrive at the hotel. So I went for a bike ride thru town and did a little exploring on my own. It's been amazingly good weather so far- just a little rain this evening when we went out to dinner.

I've not touched my clarinet for almost a week and I'm not really feeling very guilty. I know I'll have to pick it up soon or else lose quite a bit more work than just a week's. But it's been nice not to have to DO anything at all.

2002-12-14T19:31:00.000-08:00

Training dogs recently came up, and my first choice for a great read (even if you've got an older dog) is the Monks of New Skete and their book "How to Be Your Dog's Best Friend". A great book on really getting to know your dog and what it's capable of, what it'll listen to, and how to love and appreciate it the best way possible. My step dad had a siberian husky that he rescued from the pound who wouldn't come inside the first 2 years he had her- she perferred to be out in the cold than inside... but with love and proper handling she was a beautiful, friendly dog who, though made sure to let you know where she stood in the famiy, really was sweet and gentle.

2002-12-12T22:24:00.000-08:00

I'm done with school!!!! No more classes, no more books.... well, unless you count the two I've finished in the last 24 hours :)

I think this vacation will be some time for me to really catch up on my reading and "nest"... I spent 4 hours cleaning the kitchen and living room yesterday, and it still looks clean!!! I spent all day today putzing around town waiting for my car to get fixed (fortunately it was just a faulty cigarette lighter- I am now $70 poorer, but my car works fully!).

I plan on relaxing, putzing and making Christmas presents for the next month. Ah, such a life...

2002-12-09T15:56:00.000-08:00

Congratulations!
Here's my list of the kind of new dog someone should get:
1. A rescue -shelter, street, or from a family that committed before thinking
2. Adult -puppies aren't that cute forever, and there are SO many lovely adult dogs out there who need homes
3. The right size -if you don't have land, don't get a large dog unless you're prepared to excersize it!
4. At the right time -THINK about the decision and involve the WHOLE family!

2002-12-09T11:45:00.000-08:00

I'm done with my theory final- now just have to hang around until my audition at 2:36 and then I'm done for the day!

2002-12-09T11:44:00.000-08:00

Check out this article in The Denver Business Journal about Up with People, the group I travelled with in 96! Maybe I'll think about going back as staff someday... gotta finish school first, tho.

2002-12-07T13:14:00.000-08:00

I'm reading Phantom by Susan Kay for the 3rd or 4th time in my life. 'The dark, sensual love story as it has never been told before'. When I was in high school my friends and I were on this Phantom of the Opera kick for quite some time- singing lines back and forth, together, in any moment that deemed itself approriate (and often when it wasn't). Guys and gals would switch gender roles in singing, we'd sing all parts of a song by ourselves (it's quite the challenge to sing some of those as written by yourself!).

I'm listening over and over to a CD my clarinet teacher gave me of my solo piece for my jury on tuesday. I know I play things better when I have them engrained in my body from listening over and over- I don't seem to GET it until about time 20 or so. I'm just glad she had it, it makes such a difference to know how the accompaniment goes.

2002-12-06T14:32:00.000-08:00

Spent the night at Lost Valley last night visiting friends after I went to their kids' music concert. I don't remember when I was in 6th grade that our band pieces consisted of maybe seven notes total. The fifth graders were even more amusing- it was their very first concert after having their instruments for a total of 3 months, but still, I think I could play more than four notes by that time... oh well, they all did good. The 4th grade friend sang and played her recorder, and the 6th grader played his sax. It was fun explaining what some of the instruments were that the youngster hadn't seen (bass clarinet, tenor sax).

2002-12-05T07:41:00.000-08:00

I really dislike being awoken by disturbing dreams. It doesn't make for a pleasant morning in the least. But, at least it woke me before I HAVE to get up so I can lay in bed and process the dream. I learn a lot from my dreams, and I've been writing them down for the last 6 months or so. Some weeks I'm better than others, but with this stream of disturbing ones, I'm making a point of writing them down to see what I have to learn before the lessons come to my waking life.

I don't want to go to school today- I have to work at 9am, then class at 10 and then another 3 hrs of work. But in music theory (the class I have tomorrow), we're just reviewing for the final next week, so I know it's going to be easy. It's kinda funny- I have none out of four concert reviews in for that class but I still have a B because I have 155% on my homework assignments! It makes it easy for me to procrastinate about getting the reviews in.

Well, I suppose I should get up now (I love my iBook- I can surf and write in bed!) and get ready for another day.

2002-12-04T17:39:00.000-08:00

I cleaned my desk for the first time in a loooong time this afternoon. Wow. It's wood! And I have all my "important" papers filed away where I can find them easily! I love it when I'm organized. Now if I could clean my room, too....

My first perfomance of the day went well- the students backstage were dancing around off stage- pretty funny to watch some of my teachers dancing, too. We did good- got through everything, had fun, and now I'm off to another performance at 7:30 at South Eugene High School with their orchestra. Of course we have to be there an hour early to reherse for the first time with them. Ah, I love being a musician.

Only another week left in the term! I had two finals today, both the first part of two which will be completed next week. I think I did okay on the SRET one, though- recognized my 7th chords and inversions (I'm a whiz on the inversions, it's the qualities that usually get me.

2002-12-03T22:52:00.000-08:00

I've gotten absolutely nothing done this evening- went to St. Vinnies, bought 5 books, then came home and chopped kindling so I could start a fire. It's such a great feeling to make a bunch of big pieces of wood into smaller pieces. To work my body, feel my muscles and know that I'm lucky to be healthy, strong and have wood to chop.

Two concerts and a final happening tomorrow, and yet I'm sitting here on my computer killing time (I had to wait for a roomie to get off the phone with her hubby). Oh, well. I'm the queen of procrastination. "Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow!"

2002-12-03T11:06:00.000-08:00

I think I've found comments again! Glory be!

2002-12-03T09:33:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite trails is being bought by the city to prevent this from happening again! (yes, I have time to kill today in the computer lab... can you tell?)

2002-12-02T21:42:00.000-08:00

Things are seeming more doable today- I still have some homework to finish, but I don't feel nearly as overwhelmed as I did the last dead week (week before finals). I have two concerts on wednesday, then I'm DONE with the concerts for the term! I still have a talent grant audition and lessons jury, but I'll be ready by next week for those.

I should go and eat something, though, before I crash from lack of sustinance.

2002-11-30T19:54:00.001-08:00

Of course, I've got a TON of homework to finish, and what am I doing? Playing on the 'net. Bad. Bad. Bad girl.

2002-11-30T19:54:00.000-08:00

Heard from a friend after a long time silence the other day, and where does he send me? Here! Okay, I'll give him credit for asking. Maybe I'll even contribute as a Christmas present or something. Hmmm... what do I need in my life right now? Maybe I'll make out a list or something and give people a chance to contribute to me!

2002-11-28T19:24:00.000-08:00

Where choosing the wrong typeface can say somthing completely different. Davezilla, thanks for the link!

2002-11-28T19:12:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to feel ansy about school stuff I still have to do... not wanting to do it, but I really need to pass this class... I'm also realizing that I'm not sure I can spend the week and a half with the family I had planned on over Christmas- just being around them for a day is getting draining, and I don't want to send myself in a spiral now, or over the holiday. I don't know what to do, though. I want to get away, but don't want to push myself too much. Guess I just need to think about it some more.

2002-11-28T19:09:00.000-08:00

I sat in the hot tub last night, looking at the stars and realizing how awesome this world we live on is. The silence of the country, the clear nights and warm days.

There were 8 of us at dinner today- mom, step-dad, brother, aunt, uncle, grandma, and cousin. But the cousin is my aunt's grandson, so in a way, we had four generations together!

One of our conversations got me thinking... the native people of this land talk of making decisions thinking of seven generations in the future- how will this decision affect my seventh generation? My grandmother, 92, has great, great grandchildren- which means that in our family, we have five generations living at one time. Pretty increadable to think- that maybe someday I'll have great great grandchildren to come and visit me. My cousin (who just graduated from college- he's 26) was saying that he hasn't met anyone our age who has a great grandparent still living (my grandmother is his great-grandmother) and it takes them a moment to add the generations to their mindset.

I guess I'm pretty lucky. She's on her second pacemaker (her first was replaced a couple years ago after she'd had it for 10 yrs), lost both breasts to cancer, and her husband died 6 years ago. Yet she still writes poetry and short stories, does crossword puzzles, beats anyone at scrabble, walks, and cooks on her own. Every time I visit she has more stories from her childhood to tell, or stories of when her children were young.

2002-11-27T18:39:00.000-08:00

Horror stories over microshaft make me glad to be a mac user! When I go somewhere where I have access to a high speed connection (love those friends with broadband!), I just go to my network, click the location, apply and I'm on! No configuring, no logging in, nothing but an easy, smooth connection. Too bad I live .5 mile away from the farthest the local DSL can reach... they said they'd try (efn is great that way!) and I'm just waiting till I'm sure I have the money. Or maybe I'll just keep doing what I've been and schlep over to friends' houses to download stuff or do high-speed thingys.